Advice can differ. Family and friends have only good intentions and support in mind; others can spoil a relationship by giving bad advice out of jealousy. However, even the most sincere words of wisdom can sometimes have a very negative impact on a relationship.
Bright Side decided to figure out what kind of advice psychologists recommend avoiding at any cost if we want a relationship to be healthy and last longer.
1. “You should find someone better for yourself.”
If you’re only in a relationship because you want some personal profit, maybe you’re on the wrong track. Profit-seeking, according to psychologists, cannot be an adequate reason to start or end a relationship. In doing so, you can destroy a really happy marriage or start a life that doesn’t bring you any happiness at all.
2. “Show them who’s the boss. Don’t let them push you around!”
First of all, love partners have different fields of responsibility in a relationship, and it seems normal that each of them takes a leading role from time to time.
Only mutual understanding and respect of the partners can make a marriage work and make it really strong.
3. “Demand that your partner is romantic!”
Psychologists claim that there’s a certain romantic period in any relationship that commonly passes after some time. Partners can’t live forever like they’re in a romantic comedy, going crazy when they see each other.
That’s why you can’t demand that your partner is in the honeymoon phase of your relationship all the time. Every relationship has different phases of development, each with its own advantages.
4. “Stay quiet. Don’t make it worse.”
It’s almost impossible to avoid conflict in a relationship. However, it is better to resolve conflicts when they occur. You shouldn’t suppress your feelings and wait until they break out one day because this will cause more damage to the marriage. Don’t play the victim card. Discuss your feelings with your partner instead.
5. “Just read their chat. You have the right!”
Such interference in a partner’s personal life – making intrusive calls, reading personal chats, tracking locations – is considered by family law specialists to be the first step toward abusive behavior in a family.
It can be not only physical but emotional too. Don’t listen to this kind of advice, and don’t make your partner a hostage of your jealousy.
6. “Just remind him that what he earns isn’t enough.”
This advice is a great way to turn a little misunderstanding into a big conflict between partners. You know that, if you really want to, you can find a lot of mutual reproaches to make it all even worse.
Specialists say that you shouldn’t discuss such matters on a daily basis, and try not to mention something like this during a big conflict.
7. “Look at me and learn.”
Teaching by your own example works better with kids, not with love partners. You are not a child, and you shouldn’t repeat someone else’s behavior.
When you have marriage difficulties, don’t look at other families and try to copy their way of life. However, this doesn’t mean that you can’t try to avoid some of the mistakes they make.
You know better from the inside.
So why do we tend to listen to words that might bring us nothing good? Maybe because deep inside we believe that people can see better from the side, giving us rational advice.
However, it’s a very misleading feeling because your relationship is very complex and full of details no one knows but you two. That’s why you should listen only to your mind and your own heart.